I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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