are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
