I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
