Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize