I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize