nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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