It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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