i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize