you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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