you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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