Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
