I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
