My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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