id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
