sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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