Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
