I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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