TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its not stalking. its research.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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