Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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