He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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