I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
