I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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