don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's always time for handjobs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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