good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
