Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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