don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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