'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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