My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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