I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
