i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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