Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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