i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
