It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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