Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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