I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
two words...techno handjob
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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