The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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