Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
