dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
