No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize