another moral hangover. fuck.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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