I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize