i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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