i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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