Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize