He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
