His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize