We need to rekindle our bromance
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
