It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
