I have demons in me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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