The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
