meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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