Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
