As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
