So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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