I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
