Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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