Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
