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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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