I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
