Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
