Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
