it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
