After last night, I could never be a politician.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
