is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it glows. i had to have it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
