Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
